搞笑英语名言
1、如果有一天，我嫁不出去，请把我埋在，非诚勿扰里。
If one day, I can not marry out, please bury me, if you are the one.
2、人的桃花运，跟生理周期一样，都是一阵一阵的。
People's peach blossom luck, like the physiological cycle, is a burst of.
3、保护自己，爱护他人，请不要半夜出来吓人。
Protect yourself and love others. Please don't come out in the middle of the night to frighten people.
4、各位女同事，请不要对我放电，我老婆有来电显示。
Female colleagues, please don't turn on me, my wife has a call display.
5、横溢的不只是才华，还有腰间的脂肪。
It's not just talent, it's also fat around the waist.
6、你若安好，便是晴天，按这天气看来，你应该是挂了。
If you are well, it will be sunny. According to the weather, you should hang up.
7、在这个考试月里，都不要直呼我的姓名，请叫我过儿。
In this exam month, don't call me by name. Please call me over.
8、小时候，我最喜欢玩捉迷藏，等别人藏好了，我就回家吃饭。
When I was young, I liked playing hide-and-seek best. When others hide away, I would go home for dinner.
9、看到你我连食欲都没了，还谈什么性欲？
Seeing you, I've lost my appetite. What else do I talk about?
10、我就是巴黎欧莱雅，你值得拥有！
I'm L'Oreal, Paris. You deserve it!
11、睡眠是一门艺术，谁也无法阻挡我追求艺术的脚步！
Sleep is an art, no one can stop me from pursuing art!
12、穿低胸装还拿手挡着，太没公德心了。
Wearing low-chested clothes and holding hands is too unmoral.
13、每次跟别人吵完架，等躺在床上的时候，才知道当时应该怎么骂。
Every time you finish a quarrel with someone and lie in bed, you know how to swear.
14、自从见到你妹，你这兄弟我交定了。
Since I met your sister, I've made a deal with you brother.
15、别人都说我很胖，其实我只是瘦的不明显。
Others say I'm fat, but in fact I'm just thin and not obvious.
16、长得帅的踢键子都帅，长得丑的打高尔夫都像在铲屎。
Handsome keys are handsome, ugly golf is like shoveling shit.
17、我也想好好学习啊，可是一回家电脑就勾引我。
I also want to study hard, but the computer seduced me as soon as I got home.
18、最有魄力的是康师傅，每天都有成千上万的人泡他。
The most courageous is Master Kang, who is soaked by thousands of people every day.
19、女子无才便是德，我想我一定是太缺德了。
A woman without talent is virtue. I think I must be too immoral.
20、暑假作业我已经摊在阳台上了，台风你自己看着办吧。
I've spread my summer homework on the balcony. You can watch the typhoon yourself.
21、床，你放开我，不要这样子，我还要上学哇。
Bed, you let me go. Don't do that. I have to go to school.
22、穿别人的鞋走别人的路，让别人既找不到鞋又找不到路。
Wear other people's shoes to walk other people's way, so that others can not find shoes and paths.
23、我对作业不仁不义，作业对我不离不弃。
I am not unkind to my homework, homework is not abandoned to me.
24、我希望在有生之年，赶上新闻联播的大结局。
I hope that in my lifetime, I can catch up with the end of news broadcasting.
25、老天爷，你能把这几天要下的雨存储起来吗，等到军训时再还我！
God, can you save the rain for the next few days and return it to me at the military training?
26、解释就是掩饰，掩饰就是不老实，不老实就是欠收拾！
Explanation is disguise, disguise is dishonesty, dishonesty is untidy!
27、早上起床我以为我一夜之间长高了，结果才发现是我被子盖横了。
When I got up in the morning, I thought I had grown taller overnight, only to find that my quilt was crossed.
28、不是我不想当淑女，而是这世界把老娘逼成了泼妇！
It's not that I don't want to be a lady, but that the world forces the old lady into a bitch!
29、麻麻说我叛逆期怎么整她，她更年期就怎么整我。
Ma Ma Ma said that I rebel period how to rectify her, she climacteric how to rectify me.
30、数学老师带我们在题海中遨游，结果她上岸了，我们全都淹死了。
The math teacher took us to swim in the sea of questions. As a result, she went ashore and we were all drowned.
31、我曾经跟一个人无数次的擦肩而过，衣服都擦破了，也没擦出火花。
I've brushed past a man countless times, and my clothes have been scraped and sparks haven't come out.
32、发呆这事做得好是深沉，做不好就睡着了。
It's so deep that if you can't do it well, you fall asleep.
33、韩国整容，泰国人妖，其实都比不过中国的美图秀秀。
Korean cosmetic surgery, Thai demons, in fact, are no better than China's beautiful picture show.
34、暗恋是成功的哑剧，说出来就成了悲剧！
Secret love is a successful pantomime, speaking out becomes a tragedy!
35、为什么别人看到我就想吐啊，是不是因为我太帅了。
Why do people want to throw up when they see me? Is it because I'm too handsome?
36、总觉得自己的性格不适合上班，只适合拿工资。
Always feel that their personality is not suitable for work, only suitable for salary.
37、自从放了暑假，我就把早餐给戒了。
Since the summer vacation, I have quit breakfast.
38、如果多吃鱼可以补脑让人变聪明的话，那么我至少得吃一对儿鲸鱼。
If eating more fish can make people smarter, then I have to eat at least a pair of baby whales.
39、就算再想哭，也要微笑着说一句：你大爷的！
Even if you want to cry again, you should say with a smile: Your uncle!
40、流量强奸了话费，生下了一个孽种叫停机。
Traffic raped the phone charges and gave birth to a kind of evil called outage.
41、不是兄弟不是人，实在是嫂子太迷人。
Not a brother, not a man, but a sister-in-law is so charming.
42、瞧我这记性，又把你当人看了。
Look at my memory, and treat you like a human being.
43、世界上最痛苦的事就是从上课憋尿憋到下课，结果老师还拖堂。
The most painful thing in the world is to hold up urine in class until the class is over, and the teacher still holds up.
44、剪了短发不一定是女王，也有可能是女神经。
A short haircut is not necessarily a queen, it may also be a woman's nerve.
